You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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