We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
