Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
