seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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