Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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