Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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