well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize