hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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