Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
