Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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