I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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