he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
