Don't you send me to vm
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.