Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?