There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
did i just pee glitter