I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so much tequila, so little girl.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?