I think I died a long time ago.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.