Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
