You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
