It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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