it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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