I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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