If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.