so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.