I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.