I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have fence marks all over my body
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that