i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.