ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.