yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."