we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?