people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.