somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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