Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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