I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
