the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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