Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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