is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
