He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
