spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
