Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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