I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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