no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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