They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
