Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.