Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.