Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.