Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS