We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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