Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
