is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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