Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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