this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
