I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
