nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
