I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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