Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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