I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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