my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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