real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
