And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
