I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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