He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
