3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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