At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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