i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
