Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize